Situationships and modern dating
Young women and men approximately ages 9 to 27 during critical brain development
Most of the experts we follow would steer you away from it.
Modern dating is flawed because it encourages immediate emotional investment based on feelings rather than trust and compatibility.
Who is behind it
Voices including an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapist, a psychoanalyst and author of Being There and a human connection specialist.
How strong the research is
Mostly expert experience so far, with published research still catching up.
In their words
“Modern dating is flawed because it encourages immediate emotional investment based on feelings rather than trust and compatibility.”
an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapist
Adults, such as a 32-year-old woman, should have the right to choose their sexual partners freely without judgment.
Situationships do not resolve on their own and are often due to significantly insecure attachment that can be repaired quickly with tailored help.
Do not put all your eggs in one basket early in dating unless there is strong momentum and connection; dating multiple people helps maintain perspective and avoid over-investment.
a certified relationship coachsponsoredGhosting reflects the other person's character and is a filter saving you from mediocrity, so don't take it personally but see it as a sign to stay open to better relationships.
Dating apps can be exhausting and joyless, so try meeting people in real life settings like the produce section to restore connection and energy.
With care
Some of the minds attach conditions. These are worth reading before you begin.
You can invite an ethical, avoidant, or allowed disorganized partner into a real committed relationship, but you cannot make the decision for them to commit.
Avoidant partners maintain no label to avoid emotional liability, regulate themselves by intermittent connection, and sustain dopamine without risking emotional engagement, which can last many years but lacks true connection.
Anxious or disorganized partners accept partial connection as safer than abandonment, creating dopamine and oxytocin loops that foster addiction to intermittent attention and misread minimal contact as progress.
Situationships often occur because people are unconsciously unavailable to true relationships and use casual dynamics to avoid the risk of heartache, reflecting fear of where commitment might lead such as betrayal or self-abandonment.
Where they disagree
Both sides
For
Adults, such as a 32-year-old woman, should have the right to choose their sexual partners freely without judgment.
a psychoanalyst and author of Being ThereAgainst
Modern dating is flawed because it encourages immediate emotional investment based on feelings rather than trust and compatibility.
an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapistMost of the minds lean away from this, and the few in favour are shown for fairness.
More on the other side
Hookup culture pressures emotionally vulnerable young people to have multiple partners, which research shows leads to loneliness, depression, anxiety, regret, shame, and self-esteem issues. a psychoanalyst and author of Being There
Society pressures young women to be promiscuous and have many experiences, which negatively impacts their mental health and is not beneficial as often portrayed. a psychoanalyst and author of Being There
A situationship looks like a relationship externally but lacks commitment and is maintained by insecure nervous systems trading casual dopamine while avoiding vulnerability, which is not sustainable or healthy connection. an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapist
Situationships create a chemical mismatch where one partner becomes addicted to occasional attention and misreads it as progress, while the other treats the relationship as casual and avoids commitment, making these relationships unsustainable. an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapist
Talk it through
Entrain shows what the experts teach, so you can make better decisions with your own clinician. It does not diagnose or prescribe. If something is worrying you, start there.
How this reading was made
Every line here comes from a doctor, scientist or coach speaking publicly, and links to the moment they said it. Entrain listens for where independent experts arrive at the same place on their own, and shows where they part ways. Mostly expert experience so far, with published research still catching up.
Some statements come from sponsored segments or people speaking about their own products. They are marked where they appear and count for less. Last refreshed 19 August 2026.
Nearby ideas in mind
- Breathing techniqueThe experts agree
- GratitudeThe experts agree
- Gratitude practiceThe experts agree
- JournalingThe experts agree
- MindsetThe experts agree
- Parasympathetic activationThe experts agree
- Self-compassionThe experts agree
- Slow breathingThe experts agree
Keep exploring mind and relationships
Most would skip it
Daycare and non-parental childcare
Putting children into daycare too early can cause pathological defences or attachment disorders leading to ADHD-like behaviour, depression, anxiety,...
Most would skip it
Antidepressant medication
Our sources steer away from antidepressant medication without careful medical supervision.
The experts agree
Breathing technique
Breathing techniques can calm nerves, support oxygenation, and help with recovery.
The experts agree
Gratitude
Practicing gratitude can gently shift mood, stress, and relationships for the better.
The experts agree
Gratitude practice
A gratitude practice helps nurture a positive mindset and well-being.
The experts agree
Journaling
Journaling can help process emotions, reflect on experiences, and support overall mental health.