Mother wound

In their words

“Erica Komisar asserts that the work of raising children full time is valuable and should not be diminished by feminist narratives that prioritize career success over parenting.”

a psychoanalyst and author of Being There

• Komisar advocates for women to make educated, non-binary choices about work and parenting rather than seeing one as inherently better than the other.

  a psychoanalyst and author of Being There

• Preparation and honest self-reflection about one's own childhood wounds are essential tools for mothers to nurture their children's attachment security effectively.

  a psychoanalyst and author of Being There

• Motherhood is hard and comes with challenges like sleeplessness, frustration, loneliness, and boredom, but with proper preparation and understanding, it can be a joyful experience filled with deep love.

  a psychoanalyst and author of Being There

• Our daughters are watching everything we do and how we treat their mom and every woman in our life shapes how they see their own worth.

  a mental health counselor and author

• Dr. Phil states that children who hear their mother express resentment or rejection feel unloved and devalued, which negatively affects their self-esteem and sense of belonging.

  a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license

• Dr. Phil asserts that mothers are not victims of motherhood but must own their choices and stop blaming their children for their life circumstances to improve family dynamics.

  a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license

• Dr. Phil recommends that mothers apologize to their children for misplaced blame and develop a plan to achieve personal goals while fulfilling parenting responsibilities.

  a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license

• Forgiving and finding compassion for parents, despite their flaws and past abuse, can free one from animosity and support personal growth.

  a certified relationship coachsponsored

• Healing your relationship with a challenging parent is one of the most intense spiritual works and is essential to prevent that relationship from controlling your life and other relationships.

  a certified relationship coachsponsored

• Expect grief to be complex and possibly devastating even if the parent was abusive, and prepare for a range of emotions when facing loss.

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

• Writing letters to your younger selves that affirm love and dignity helps process past trauma and self-compassion.

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

• Motherhood is something many women feel as innate and natural, especially as they reach a certain age, and fulfilling the role of a mother serves a major purpose in life and humanity.

  a clinical psychologist and Professor Emeritus of psychology

• Pathological maternal jealousy manifests as the devouring mother who harms her child to maintain her own status, a dynamic symbolized by the evil queen's actions in Snow White.

  a clinical psychologist and Professor Emeritus of psychologysponsored

• Men must consciously separate their partner from past parental wounds to avoid projecting mistrust and anger onto their spouse and to build a healthy relationship.

  the founder of ManTalks

• The mother wound is a core developmental issue often resulting from overprotection and emotional enmeshment by the mother, leading to arrested emotional maturation and relational difficulties.

  the founder of ManTalks

• The devouring or smother mother is characterized by obsessive, intrusive behaviors that prevent emotional independence and risk-taking, contributing to the mother wound.

  the founder of ManTalks

• The mother wound can show as hypervigilance or shutdown in relationships, projection of maternal dynamics onto partners, and confusion between partner and parent roles.

  the founder of ManTalks

• Men may respond to the mother wound by either chronic overachievement to appease the mother or underachievement due to arrested development.

  the founder of ManTalks

• Healing involves naming and normalizing the wound, breaking denial, and developing emotional independence and sovereignty distinct from maternal patterns.

  the founder of ManTalks

• The expert guides the client to consciously acknowledge and express complex feelings of anger, resentment, and grief towards a deceased parent to facilitate emotional processing and healing.

  the founder of ManTalks

• Men need to create psychological separation from their mother by making decisions that their mother may disapprove of to advance masculine maturity.

  the founder of ManTalks

• Mothers are imperative for nurturing and nourishment in early years and later help boys develop a sense of independent self in opposition to her, facilitating differentiation and emotional sovereignty.

  the founder of ManTalks

• The mother wound is a foundational neurological imprint from the first three years of life that shapes how men relate to women and intimate relationships.

  the founder of ManTalks

• Identifying which mother wound archetype (love equals distance, emotions equal danger, love equals performance, love equals chaos, love equals instability) you deploy helps understand and change dysfunctional relationship behaviors.

  the founder of ManTalks

Hear every voice

With care

Some of the minds attach conditions. These are worth reading before you begin.

• If wounds and patterns exist before marriage, they will likely persist or worsen after marriage, requiring awareness and work.

  a licensed mental health counselor

• Dr. Phil emphasizes that mothers must acknowledge and take responsibility for negative feelings toward motherhood rather than blaming their children, as unacknowledged resentment harms the parent-child relationship.

  a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license

• Dr. Phil acknowledges that a close relationship with one's mother is natural but emphasizes the need for a paradigm shift to prioritize the spouse and establish boundaries when marrying.

  a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license

• Dr. Phil suggests directly asking the estranged parent if they will attend and walk the bride down the aisle to avoid emotional letdown, and to consider who else could fulfill that role if the parent declines.

  a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license

• John Delony advises that while revealing family secrets can cause pain, it is important to act from integrity and decide what kind of person you want to be rather than perpetuating deception

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

• Delony suggests individuals can choose how much to engage with biological family and that they are not obligated to create artificial relationships, but should act with honesty and integrity

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

• Delony generally advises against ghosting or cutting off parents as immature and harmful, but acknowledges that choosing limited or no contact is valid if owned consciously

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

• It is important to take full ownership of the decision to reconnect or not, ensuring it aligns with your integrity and boundaries, especially when the parent has not acknowledged past abuse or changed.

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

• John Delony advises weighing the pros and cons carefully and acting from a place of integrity and character, recognizing the potential pain for all involved but also the importance of personal freedom from deception.

  a mental health counselor and authorsponsored

Hear every voice