Marriage and long-term commitment
Romantic partners
Most of the experts we follow recommend it.
Explicitly discussing and agreeing on how to take care of each other in a relationship helps balance nurturing behaviours and prevents feelings of imbalance.
Who is behind it
Voices including an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapist, a media host and psychologist with a lapsed clinical license and a psychoanalyst and author of Being There.
How strong the research is
Mostly expert experience so far, with published research still catching up.
In their words
“Explicitly discussing and agreeing on how to take care of each other in a relationship helps balance nurturing behaviors and prevents feelings of imbalance.”
an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapist
A 40-year happy marriage is sustained by a shared purpose, ongoing curiosity, and mutual interest in each other's lives rather than shared hobbies or dark secrets.
The single life can be rich and meaningful and is a valid vocation; not everyone is meant to marry or have children, and that is not a moral flaw.
Marriage is a business arrangement around shared property, shared values, and building a family, designed to protect what you build together.
The expert strongly agrees that in marriage, your spouse must become your primary family member and their needs should come before everyone else's to have a successful marriage.
Couples who last already have solid lives of their own before entering the relationship.
Long-term love is strengthened by partners moving in the same direction toward shared life goals rather than relying on chemistry alone.
The purpose of marriage is to build stability and safety for both partners and their children.
Intimacy is an energetic connection involving emotional and spiritual closeness that precedes and grounds physical intimacy, which can include non-sexual touch like hugs or a touch on the shoulder.
A relationship is a decision to stick to the person whether things get hard or not, embodying long-term pair bonding commitment.
A wife should be seen as one's other self, not merely a best friend, to honor the unique marital bond.
Couples can have a more passionate sex life decades into a relationship if they build emotional intimacy, safety, and deliberate bonding consistently.
Being fully known and still deeply desired by a partner, including all flaws and struggles, is one of the most profoundly moving and powerful forms of intimacy.
Marriages are more successful when partners share more commonalities than differences, especially in core values like the desire to have children.
Marriage is not a destination but a continuous journey involving growth, self-reflection, and hard work.
Developing skills to sustain a relationship over the long term is necessary to prevent selfishness and resentment from undermining the partnership.
Even in long-term relationships, you have to let go over and over again because we are always evolving and changing.
People need skills to make relationships work long term and avoid selfishness that leads to resentment and resistance.
Developing skills to make a relationship work long term and focusing on giving rather than just receiving is essential to prevent resentment and relationship breakdown.
Couples who make it for the long haul genuinely like each other and have friendship, even if they don't agree on everything or share all interests.
Being able to laugh together, be honest, and enjoy being on the same team are key factors in lasting relationships.
Having a daily conversation about each other's expectations for the evening prevents guessing, reacting, and frustration, enabling both partners to know what they are walking into and love each other well.
A healthy marriage requires intentional effort, including making time for each other before problems escalate, such as through getaways to reconnect and have healthy conversations.
Many couples just need help having honest conversations again, which is why the Together Marriage app was built to facilitate this process.
Trust in marriage is built by prioritizing your partner's feelings and saying 'You matter more than this friendship ever will' rather than dismissing their concerns.
When you have little kids and feel exhausted, it can feel like rejection, but usually your spouse is just tired, so telling the truth about what you want with kindness and asking how to best love each other helps couples reconnect.
Real intimacy grows when two people feel safe, seen, chosen, and desired rather than feeling pressure or obligation.
a mental health counselor and authorsponsoredIntimacy is healthier when it is based on desire (erotic energy) rather than need (maternal energy), which can make one partner feel like a parent rather than a spouse.
a mental health counselor and authorsponsoredHealthy marriages require building connection intentionally through small daily moments of honesty, fun, and paying attention to each other.
a mental health counselor and authorsponsoredA marriage only works if you see, know, celebrate and challenge each other, which requires letting yourself be known and putting your fears out in the open.
Putting your fear out in the open, such as nervousness about disappointing your partner, is essential to being known and maintaining connection.
It is important to recognize that your value and lovability are not dependent on sexual preferences or activities, and fears about not being enough are self-imposed rather than true.
A healthy marriage should feel safe enough for you to have a voice, not scared to ask for help, tell the truth, or take up space.
Healthy marriages are one of the few places left where we can practice trust, commitment, forgiveness, and showing up for somebody else, making it one of the most powerful forces for good in the world.
It is important for the parent to make a grown-up decision to either support or not support the marriage, ideally standing on their child's team even if they disagree.
With care
Some of the minds attach conditions. These are worth reading before you begin.
Couples often do not build a functioning marriage before or during child-rearing, and children’s presence can conceal underlying problems by limiting time for communication, leading to relationship breakdown after children leave.
Dr Phil emphasizes the seriousness of marriage covenants and the importance of doing everything possible to make the marriage work, acknowledging that some may not share his belief system.
A tool like the Together Marriage app can facilitate purposeful conversations before life gets loud, helping couples prepare for their time together.
If you ask for permission and are denied, proceeding anyway will come with some cost, so you must decide if you want a ceremonial blessing or to respect the parent's stance.
Where they disagree
Both sides
For
A 40-year happy marriage is sustained by a shared purpose, ongoing curiosity, and mutual interest in each other's lives rather than shared hobbies or dark secrets.
an attachment coach and former licensed marriage and family therapistAgainst
Having the goal of marriage as an endpoint without understanding the ongoing work involved is detrimental and leads to disillusionment.
a licensed mental health counselorMost of the minds come down in favour, and the dissent is worth knowing.
Talk it through
Entrain shows what the experts teach, so you can make better decisions with your own clinician. It does not diagnose or prescribe. If something is worrying you, start there.
How this reading was made
Every line here comes from a doctor, scientist or coach speaking publicly, and links to the moment they said it. Entrain listens for where independent experts arrive at the same place on their own, and shows where they part ways. Mostly expert experience so far, with published research still catching up.
Some statements come from sponsored segments or people speaking about their own products. They are marked where they appear and count for less. Last refreshed 19 August 2026.
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